Some wonder why film directors feel the need to weigh down their epic movies with 80 different endings. Lucas has to show every person on every planet having their own celebration at the end of Jedi just in case you thought maybe the Wookies would actually be really pissed that the Emperor was dead. Peter Jackson has to show people hugging in slow motion on every set he ever used at the end of Return of the King so we know it's supposed to be a happy moment. Unimaginable as it may seem to some of us, however, this is apparently what many people want.

This is a letter (a couple, actually, but I'm focusing on the last one on the page) from the January 1998 issue of GameFan.

This letter is so coated in saccharine it sticks to the other pages. As much as I loved FF7, I think this ending would've knocked my opinion down a few pegs. It's too much of a wrap-up, not to mention far too happy for a game of FF7's tone. These are the kinds of people who grow up to force new endings on movies like Brazil.

If he liked the game so much, he could've at least bothered to get the names right. Aeris not Aries, Tifa not Tiffa, Fort Condor not Port Condor... Though he did accurately predict what Cait Sith would be doing after the game ended -- Reeve ends up forming the World Restoration Organization to restore what damage Shin-Ra inflicted on the planet.

Please, folks, as a general rule: If you have these kinds of thoughts, just try to go on with your life as best as possible and don't commit them to paper. If you must write them down, don't show them to anyone. If you must show them to someone, don't use your real name. And if you must use your real name, for God's sake, don't tell them you're in the military. I've lost all respect I might have had for West Point with this one item.

But at the very least, Cadet Finn managed to avoid falling into that most dangerous of traps for FF7 fans -- wishing for Aeris' resurrection. We can't have that, so a few months later in August, this letter came in:

Yes, someone dying is a "loose end", you jackass. That's the problem with death, it's just not final enough. Vincent, Yuffie, Red XIII and Cait Sith running an after-school youth center sounds like a bad mid-season replacement sitcom. Unfortunately, the way Square is going, I expect to see it made into a show by spring of next year. Though to be honest, I really would want to see it, just for the kinds of plots that would come out once it was a few seasons in and they started doing those very special episodes that all sitcoms do when they decide to start tackling the issues.

Red XIII: Cait, I.. I... I think I have AIDS!

Cait Sith: Can a dog get AIDS?

Red XIII: I HAVE DOG AIDS

Then someone uses materia to summon Tootie from the Facts of Life and they all hug.