The Saturday Scan - Operate It At A Slightly Elevated Level Which One Might Deem To Call "Loud"
In light of the recent Sony PSP viral marketing debacle, let's take a look at another example of what happens when grey-haired ad men try to be down with the kids. In this case, it's a six page spread in Nintendo Power debuting their, uh.. memorable campaign meant to combat Sega's winning in-your-face attitude: Play It Loud.
I'll do you the courtesy of transcribing the roundabout text so you don't have to crane your neck. All awful formating and grammar errors are their own.
adj. 1. Marked by a high volume of sound, once matt put his head in a jet intake, he hasn't been the same 2. Noisy, life without amplification is like being a fish in a tank 3. Gaudy, as in color; flashy Purple Buzzcut, Orange Tongue, Diamond Studded Platinum Shoes 4. Brilliantly blinding and explosive cat'a-clys'mic 5. worthy "I have a dream..." 6. $$#@!!! 7. That which stands out, surpasses You have one chance to save Earth from Merle the mutant space bass. 9. Exceeding all limits 186,000 miles per second Break The Tank! Put your head in the noise. Hold on to your bass!
Findings from a recent study at the Institute of Loudicity: "...never before seen such...stunning, graphical, interfacial, multi-layered, omni-dimensional..." " measuring off the scale...subjects head literally exploded from excessive levels of fundorphins..." "...more titles...more technical breakthroughs...more stages...more conflict...more glory..." "...125% more resolution/damage release per level..." "...F=S/NES²..." "...criticality of responses umatched..." "...subjects exhibited increases in mental acuity...the ability to navigate wormholes in virtual space...fantasy worlds inhabited by freakishly human toon beings..." "...unheard of...unmatched...unexpected ...unusual...uncompromising...unconditional..." "...LOUD..."
[Me here -- I didn't plan on interjecting, but.. "fundorphins?" Are you shitting me?]
I wanted a new game, something bigger, expanding, as vast as a mind -> I wanted new sights, sounds, adventures, puzzles, scores, new lives to peel back the covers -> I searched the world, circled the globe, picked up every stone and threw them all back in the dust, and moved on until I came to this place -> I knew that my journey had ended, eyes open, ears ringing, mind basking in a universe of exploding horizons where rainbows came to earth -> here, dragons awoke, flight pierced the stars, my slam dunk shattered the house -> I knew challenges, the rush, the fierce joy, the soaring heights and the slapstick and the raw justice and the thrill of victory and the horror of the dead at night -> and I knew that what I wanted was found, the quiet pride of a life lived aloud, the games to measure my limits -> the life I longed to play--loud
Comments
This really sort of blew my mind at first.
Posted by: Abomstar | December 16, 2006 4:22 PM
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Posted by: Alan | December 16, 2006 5:01 PM
was the batman: tas game any good?
Posted by: webber | December 17, 2006 1:30 AM
That last bit sounded like a poem written by a fanboy, probably about his gamecube or something. And now I have a fundorphin deficiency.
Posted by: Daygan | December 17, 2006 7:00 AM
Thank you for reading that because no fucking way was I rotating anything enough to read those things. Jesus Christ, it's not even worth it, either.
I'm sorry you must make these sacrifices.
Posted by: Kirbyoto | December 17, 2006 7:00 PM
I remember it being a fun game, webber. Then again, that was at least 10 years ago, so conceivably, it could be a pile of shit.
Posted by: Jim | December 17, 2006 11:38 PM